Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Osip Mandelstam's "Freedom"

I shared my poem in Russian to my friend, Vladimir Korobov. And he sent this beautiful couplet back, from a Russian poet, Osip Mandelstam:

Образ твой, мучительный и зыбкий,
Я не мог в тумане осязать.
"Господи!" - сказал я по ошибке,
Сам того не думая сказать.

Rough English Translation:
Your image, painful and fragile,
I could not feel in a fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
He did not think to say.

My version
Your image, painful and fragile,
I could not feel in a fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
And a loving embrace I got

Beautiful, both Vladimir and Osip angels!!!

Update Nov 19/2010

I obtained the rest of the poem today:

Образ твой, мучительный и зыбкий,
Я не мог в тумане осязать.
"Господи!" - сказал я по ошибке,
Сам того не думая сказать.

Божье имя, как большая птица,
Вылетало из моей груди.
Впереди густой туман клубится,
И пустая клетка позади.

So, will make a change to the previous version

Your image, painful and fragile,
I could not feel in a fog.
"Lord!" - I said by mistake,
You wouldn't believe what I got

God's name like a big bird
flew out of my chest in a rage
Leaving a swirl in the front
And in the back an empty cage