How to Love – By Michael Alperstein
What is the deepest, purest source of love available? Is it relationships? Well, they are usually where we look for love. We look for a special someone to give us love and return us to a state where we feel supported and safe. This can work great…. for a while. But does the honeymoon last? Does human love fulfill and mend our hearts? Or is there a love beyond human love that is more fulfilling, a spiritual and unconditional love that underlies our lives? If so, how do we access it?
Love is the motivation behind many of our dreams, actions and thoughts. People move across the country, quit jobs, stay in unhealthy situations, all because they want love and they think their actions will increase it. Yet we often have a lot of rules and ideas about love that stop us from feeling love for ourselves and others.
What rules or requirements do you have around love? Fill in the blank with a few statements:
“When someone does or is ___________(such and such), it means they love me.”
One way to expand your capacity for real love in your life is to look at your inner rules honestly. See which ones work and see which ones place limits on your capacity to give or receive love.
Consider this: See the rules for what they really are: attempts to make human love conform to the parameters of divine love. Our rules around love are well-intentioned, but they are usually stifling. Divine love has no bounds and conditions; human love is filled with bounds and conditions. We want others to love us as we are, but we usually put so many conditions on what love is in the first place.
We have to step out from the rules and move into Spiritual love. Love, without any rules, conditions, limitations or neediness is spiritual love, in the way I use it here. Human love or “Hollywood versions of love” say: ‘I will love you if you show up on time, take the trash out, dress a certain way, etc….” It’s fleeting; it comes and goes depending on what people are doing and thinking. It gets mixed up with a lot of nonsense!
Spiritual Love on the other hand is pure and unveiled. It is always present, regardless of whether or not we are in a relationship. It is in your own heart.
Take a deep breath…. Let’s access it now. Watching good meditation videos will help.
How do you increase spiritual love in your life?You go for the source of it and you realize its source can never be outside you, that it MUST BE revealed from within.
This may sound strange, but part of you knows how to find and access love in your heart. Part of you knows intuitively what these next sentences means:
You travel nowhere to get more spiritual love. Nowhere —-> NOW HERE. There is nowhere to go but here in your heart
Being present and seeing the people and circumstances in your life with curious eyes, fresh eyes, reveals a shining love that was there all along…. but it may have been blocked. It’s available when you look at the your life with a gentle smile.
Realize the game of human love is a game of ideas about what love should be like and how others should act. It’s a game of hide and seek.
Go for real love instead. Or at least put inner spiritual love along SIDE your pursuit of outer love. Real love is the Essence of what you want and what you seek. Is it not?
You want chocolate? Doughnuts? Cupcakes? The essence you seek is sweetness. You really want to “be sweetness,” to feel sweetness.
You want travel? A home in Switzerland? A private yacht? The essence you seek is freedom.
You want to meet someone special? Feel attractive? Connect with others? The essence you want is love—spiritual love—which does not discriminate, in contrast to human love that takes or needs.
“Teach only love, for that is what you are.” ~ A Course in Miracles
What are you looking for in your life? Love. But since you ARE love, we could say your desire is for Life itself. Your desire is for You. Capture the feeling of being yourself and you will feel like you are flying.
“When your sense of worth exceeds your conditions, conditions will shift to match your vision.” ~Alan Cohen
Trust that what you really want is the reality of your Self. This reality is the feeling of being vibrantly alive. When your trust in the reality of your Self becomes expansive and totally envelopes all your old thoughts, suffering falls away effortlessly. Darkness does not stand a chance in light.
Don’t fight the darkness with judgment, just bring in more light.
Breathe deep. Open your heart. And thrive.
The fulfillment that comes as a result of seeing that the source of love is inside you is not a compromise; it is not a substitute for your “real desires” in the world. It IS your desire in pure form.
Whenever you are seeking “more” of any thing or circumstance, what lies underneath this seeking is always a wish to be your true nature, which is love. And under that wish is a pure knowing that you ARE this nature.
You ARE sweetness, freedom, and love. This realization may get covered over by thoughts and ideas, but YOU are still there.
Outer seeking of love is usually a striving to become one with the essence of a form or circumstance. For example, trying to attract a new lover may very well be an attempt to be “at one with love.” Similarly, wanting to buy a new car may be an attempt to be, or unite with, movement, freedom, or in some cases the feeling of status or attainment.
You are never seeking for the reason you think you’re seeking.
But the good news is that you are not trapped. You’re not even trapped in seeking. You can find love where you are. There’s no need to stop seeking new circumstances or things in order to find essential love. You just have to be who you are. Seeking is not an obstacle to knowing yourself.
Even with the knowing that real love comes from within, outward seeking may still continue. However, it’s likely that it will take on a less important and more surreal quality.
You will see that relationships are spiritual teachers, not true sources of love and fulfillment.
If you feel you are trapped in seeking love on the outside, remember this: The more you see your freedom within your trap, within your prison cell walls, the more you will know looking out there for love is a game. Access love where you are. If you want freedom, see freedom. Be freedom. Step out of the game of looking for love.